as you know, C1 and e2 are at odds. she wants to move past this; he thinks that she has accused him of something completely nefarious and heinous and is in his favourite place … the MARTYR. why would he possibly want to move past this? he won’t have anything readily to complain about or blow into a huge fucking deal.
Pokey sent her an email, as he does from time to time, advising her about the situation. Pokey’s parents divorced when he was 10, and his father went on to marry the woman that he was having an affair with. he moved 2 hours away, and never saw his four sons. Pokey’s mom had to remind him that he had children. his new wife’s two children completely disowned her, and don’t speak to her to this day. she had to find out through friends that her own daughter had given birth and that her granddaughter was almost two years old. anyway, Pokey’s email asked simply, “what power does e2 have to upset you? to hurt you? none. YOU are the one who chooses to give him that power. what do you expect from this relationship? what do you truly want from it? you need to search within yourself and answer that question, or he will probably just hurt you more.”
because she’s 15, she copy/pasted that into an email to e2. not wise. anyone else would have been able to see that it was someone giving her advice; not e2. he’s not normal. he’s persecuted. everyone’s out to get him. he is being judged. so, our latest installment of the e2 Email Soap Opera continues with this, sent about four days ago to C1:
[firstly, he uses the spelling of her nickname that she hates, and has told him she hates. even better, HE BOLDS IT in his greeting!]
I’m not sure how to reply. The last thing you sent was a response from someone (I don’t know who) that basically said I was out to hurt you. While I perceive the situation more as you and your mother are out to hurt me. Call it paranoid, call it irrational, call it whatever you want, but I don’t have to put up with accusations and death threats from the Harrington Family. I haven’t done anything to deserve this. And you called me; I didn’t try to contact you. I was fine before, and I would like to go back to being fine again.
those last two sentences really put The Husband over the edge. completely. he’s absolutely done. he will never, ever do anything again to facilitate a relationship between e2 and C1. i get that everyone would love to be “fine again,” but that’s unbelievably hurtful. he was also terribly pissed off at being lumped in with us as “the Harrington Family.”
I guess you can tell this person (again, not sure who it is) that I said I didn’t do anything but defend my character and honor.
As difficult as it sounds, I think I have to say: Things aren’t working out they way I think either of us wanted. I’ve discussed the situation with my family and our frustrations basically boil down to this: I’m your father (not your friend) and do not deserve to be treated like a criminal, especially since I never did anything to you (or your mother, or anyone for that matter); your mother refuses to assist in easing the tensions as part of our working to build a relationship, and instead works to destroy it by issuing death threats in Tweets and then being flippant; you refuse to acknowledge any of my concerns (i.e. safety); and finally we still have no control in the situation. For example, 9 p.m. on weeknights is not the best time for me to pick up the phone and talk for an hour, but when I try to hint that 9 p.m. won’t work it’s ignored and that’s when the death threats roll out.
what happened was that e2 had hurt C1’s feelings by saying that he wouldn’t talk to her, period, unless it was on HIS schedule. he refused to call her and essentially had said that he had no time for her. he hasn’t called her in months. so i posted a tweet about how lucky he was that we didn’t live closer or he’d be witnessing my bumper first-hand, and then followed that up with a response to a Twitter question of “what happened?” with an explanation of how incapable he was of being flexible to our schedule – and therefore causing tears and meltdowns for C1. after he said he was using my “death threats” “for future reference,” i tweeted that i was surprised to find out that my little account was capable of issuing death threats to paranoiacs … how funny! that’s what he means about being “flippant.” i wasn’t going to engage him by even answering to the whole “death threat” nonsense. i also find it funny that he’s acting like i’ve made several or continuous “death threats” when i only made that one comment in one tweet.
In looking back at our concerns, it seems that most of the problems stem from your mother’s lack of support. I came into this with no expectations, except that you would not hurt my family. And the first phone conversation in more than 14 years when Lola tried to be civil was a huge help in getting “things” off to a good start. Then, it degenerated back to hate as soon as I did the unthinkable and defended my character/honor or requested a change in the time(s) for our daily telephone conversation. I guess I’ve gotten comfortable with the fact that I don’t have any rights when it comes to you. Heck, I don’t even have the right to a schedule.
i have no idea what he’s talking about. truly. it makes no sense. so now we hate him because he told the truth about how he had C1’s SSN? or we hate him because he refuses to talk to C1 at any time? she calls him prior to 9p, and he’s eating dinner or doing work from home or tending to his kids. she calls him after 9p, and he won’t talk to her because he’s “tired.” she calls him during the day, and he’s working and she gets admonished for “being inappropriate” and calling him at work. she told him to call the house whenever HE wanted to and it was convenient for him, and he won’t do it. she cannot seem to establish a convenient time for HIM at all. and they speak once every 2-3 weeks for the past 3 months because he won’t pick up his phone.
And, BTW, he signed over all of his rights when she was three … without being asked to do so. so, yes. no rights.
Lola needs to call me, apologize, and agree to work together to help you in ways that satisfy the needs of everyone involved before I’ll agree to talk or meet with you again. If that’s not possible then she wins, and I’ll be the scapegoat for all of your problems. I’m certain she can’t wait to say ”I told you so”.
this is the most telling part of the whole email.
firstly, i am NOT apologising for a goddamned fucking thing. i have only encouraged them to contact each other, even paying for their minutes when they go over my allotted minutes on my plan because he won’t call her. i have not done anything worth of an apology, period. when she was worried about him having her SSN, i encouraged her to open up a dialogue with him about it. i have driven her to meet him, and have been supportive of their relationship. i will agree to work with them, but he is definitely not getting a phone call. an apology is ludicrous, and i’m not making up something to apologise about, either. “i’m sorry i didn’t mean it when i issued that ‘death threat’ on Twitter.” [eye roll]
secondly, can you believe the verbiage? “then she wins.” what? oh, yes. a HUGE winner. my daughter is hurt and will always carry the scars of him putting the self-destruct on their relationship. please, can i win like that on a daily basis! and “I’m certain she can’t wait to say ‘I told you so’.” oh, my fucking God. yeah, THEN i’ll call him. i’ll leave him little messages every day like, “i WIN!” and “you’re such a fucking loser!” and “i TOLD YOU SOOOOOOOO!” hey, i could even leave them on his work phone, too, if it has VM. ooooooooooooooh, how i love being smug. what in the motherfuck.
so, she’s called him and also called his wife. no one will pick up. she even left him a VM trying to sound like me, telling him to call back. he hasn’t. i’m going to have her send him an email in a few days. if he doesn’t respond. i’m going to send him one of my own.
and it ain’t gonna be pretty.
essentially, he’s a narcissist. he feels as if it doesn’t have to do with HIM, it’s not worth it. he’s a martyr. he is persecuted. everyone hates him, and everyone is out to get him. he has to stand up and fight for himself on a daily basis, and BOY is he tired! he is so consumed with looking good to other people and other people’s opinions of him, he cannot possibly be able to have a normal relationship with anyone. what he doesn’t understand is that outside of my daughter’s feelings, i don’t fucking give a shit. i don’t care about him, his family, his livelihood, his parents. if C1 doesn’t want to ever talk to him again, i don’t care. if she wants a relationship with him, i don’t care. doesn’t bother me either way (well, until he starts acting like a bitch cunt). he means absolutely nothing to me, and yes. i DO wish he were dead! i wish that in the interim between when he decided to give up his paternal rights 13 years ago and when C1 contacted him the first time, he would have passed away from natural causes or a kidney disease or been hit by a truck saving a busload of schoolkids. then i could say to C1, “hey, your biological sperm donor isn’t around any more, but he died helping save many lives.” or whatever. yes, i wish death on him now, but only because he’s SO TORTURED … and, in turn, torturing my daughter. however, i’m not going to hit him with my car. Jesus fucking Christ.
he will also be told that the reason i have “refused to assist in easing tensions” is because firstly, i don’t give a shit, and secondly, i don’t have the mental strength to mediate them. i work a full-time job that’s really three jobs and a part-time job. i have another child to deal with, as well as my 3rd child (The Husband). i like to work out and shop and enjoy my life, and i truly do not have the time to be playing referree. additionally, he won’t listen to a word i say. he hates me, and has apparently not gotten over whateverthefuck i did to him … and never will. i gave him the opportunity to hash things out, but he said it wasn’t necessary. apparently, that’s not true. he needs to tell me off and get whatever it is off of his chest, because his apparent obssession with me is clearly not healthy or doing him (or my kid) any favours. he is sick, twisted, and needs mental help.
so, we’ll see what comes about. since he refuses to communicate with C1, he’s going to get that email. it’s just a matter of when.
